Dear Self,
I’ve been keeping religious track of what goes in my mouth and here are some harsh truths I’ve had to realize. To begin with, my issue is -not- overeating. Shock! Wow! Seriously? That’s right, it’s not a matter of overeating that has put me in the shape I am in. In fact, my portion sizes are adequate if not less than what they should be. One of the things I realized is that I don’t actually eat enough and I don’t eat the right things when I -do- eat. I think some where deep down I translate not eating with healthy and slimming…WRONG!
Sadly, this reality came to me because my 7yr old made the comment she didn’t want to eat much because she wanted to keep her tummy flat. Yes this led to a very important conversation about how beautiful she is, how important the right nutrition is, and how important she is as a person and doesn’t need to change a thing about her appearance…But, where did she learn this idea from that not eating is slimming?
In fact most health experts and nutritionist will tell you that you need to eat more to loose weight. It sounds like a backward philosophy though and in this society also not easy to accomplish without consumer’s guilt. But here is something interesting I learned…When I eat the wrong things I wallow in the guilt and I get down on myself for it. I must not care about myself if I keep stuffing my face with these really good, warm, chocolaty chocolate chip cookies..and yet? They taste so good! We are taught from a young age that moderation is key….Sure..unless that moderation comes every time you feel emotional or you think moderation works every time you decide you need something to make you feel better.
Another harsh reality…I look and need affirmation for my actions when it comes to self-esteem and self-motivation. I haven’t figured out the reality of it or the psychology of why but I’m sure with time I will figure it out. When that affirmation is missing I turn more to comfort foods. Ice cream makes money issues seem less stressful, cookies take away the frustrations of the day, and chocolate..well come on, chocolate is a girl’s best friend. Isn’t this what I’ve grown up learning or perceiving from the world around me?
Well either way..
Whether self taught or learned from some other source..
I need to change how I regard comfort foods and stop looking for affirmation in the wrong things or seeking it in the bottom of an ice cream barrel.